(Adaptation) She

((Original) She by Rocky Blue Wednesdays.)

We’re in a subway train.

She’s located one-third the way from the left of my vision, and one-third the way from the top of my vision. I’m applying the rule of thirdsーit makes her stand out more. Nah, I’m just lying to myself. I haven’t got the courage to look at her directly.

With my head in situ, I glance at her face. She’s looking straight at me. Her eyes meet mine. I guess she knows that I’m looking at her- no, it’s obvious that I’m looking at her, and she and I know it. Anyone who says otherwise is indubitably blind.

In defeat I turn my head quickly, but naturally (or at least I hope it is), to face her. Her expressionless face stares back. I greet her with a mild smile (or at least I think I did). It is a quick reflex that is not the most noticeable but neither all that regrettable.

I realize that I’ve been looking, no, staring at her for some time. I try to brush off the social awkwardness but I can’t; her brilliant blue gems have ensorcelled me. They remind me of the resplendent summer ocean and the dazzling summer sky, luring me towards her irresistibly. My mouth opens slightly in an attempt to resuscitate whatever residual consciousness I have. I didn’t want to look away.

Had she noticed the gesture? Would she return it? Was she the type who would talk to strangers? I wanted to know. Maybe she’d laugh. That wouldn’t be too bad.

She smiles.

My heart inflates into a bright little red balloon, floating insouciantly to the air with blithe ignorance to the world.

I begin to wonder if we should start a conversation, or if we would ever meet again somewhere.

Maybe I should go forward and ask her where her stop’s at and if she takes the train often. Maybe she’d reply in a mellifluous timbre that would take me to the cloud nine, and maybe up there, I’d invite her to join me. Maybe we would board the train up in the air and cruise high above the busy and boring city replete with dull melancholy, and feel free and alive and bursting with vivid ecstasy.

Maybe we’d even fall in love.

After meandering through the twists and turns of the clouds the train would slow and stop outside her place. The doors would open. Without looking back, she would alight the train, open her home’s gate and stroll up the porch where someone would be waiting. The door would close. I would stand behind the doors and watch her leaving, and when she would get smaller and smaller farther into the distance and ultimately vanishes before my eyes, whisper a goodbye through the frosty glass windows.

She tilts her head and stares out of the window.

We’d probably never meet again.

(Adaptation) Searching in the Fall

((Original) Searching in the Fall by Rocky Blue Wednesdays.)

I’m falling.

But then I land softly into the arms of consciousness, and feel immense solace upon realisation; it’s one of those dreams again.

It’s the kind of dream, where one’s eyes jolt wide open to a heightened sense of fight-or-flight, where one awakes with one’s chest rising and falling unusually rapidly and rather irregularly, where one finds one’s clothes and body drenched in perspiration even though it’s the dry winter, where one unconsciously gulps deep breaths through one’s already parched mouthーall would coalesce harmonically to coerce the mind into fear, all would eventually and gradually wane and allay the mind back to calm, to allow a silent morning to greet one.

But the dream was notably very much indistinguishable from reality, such that one is only certain that one has roused when one sees the familiar colours of the walls and ceiling, when one hears the quotidian rumblings and beepings of busy cars outside, when one smells one’s own scent that has attached itself onto the bed, and when one feels the coziness of being wrapped and hugged by one’s own blanket. When all senses make sense, one then knows that one is at home, a refuge from the malice that was in one’s nightmare.

I know that I am safe, that it was all just a dream, but I don’t want to get out of my bed and blanket, which is an extra alleged almighty superfluous bastion that safeguards me from my fears. I convince myself that nothing good (nor bad) will come from just lying in my bed. So I get out of bed.

Or so I would, but I cannot move. The moment I tried to move, I suddenly felt exhaustion, physical and mental, paralyzing my body. My legs have become leaden, as though they were protesting against the running of endless miles into the abysses of the night in my mind, as though I’ve been running and running and running in search of someone.

No. Not ‘as though’. I have been searching for someone.

This someone knows no fear. This someone is hardly a reflection of myself. This someone is difficult to find. But I found them.

Just yesterday, I suffered torment from my archenemy. I had heard his wrath coming, yet I was utterly powerless in it’s face, unable to prepare and brace myself.

From the comfort of the soft cushioned seat where I was reclining, my ears picked up the muted patter of pelting raindrops. I tried to find a pattern in the euphony; it was the perfect tune to slumber to. It would have been the perfect tune to slumber to, if it didn’t start to contort and embiggen into a rancorous beating on the fuselage.

I remember the events that happened next clearly, but why do I remember them so clearly, that is a fuzzy enigma. I guess my spirit knew what was coming, and by instinct it detached itself from my body. My spirit probably hovered above me and observed everything in objectivity. The plane shivered in the blistering cold. There was a fleeting but sharp tremor that vibrated through the small oval windows. The stewardesses vanished from the isles with deft footsteps. There were little choppy waves forming and breaking and forming in the transparent glass of water in front of me. The glass of water sat in a holster attached to the back of a seat in front of me. There was a child crying in the seat in front of me. The man beside me was reading his newspaper. I couldn’t see anyone else because the newspaper blocked my line of sight, but surely, everyone aboard the plane, except me, was minding their own business unperturbed and unfazed.

And then my anathema came without warning. It assaulted my hypnopompic body, severing my astral projection, causing my spirit to snap back into my body. I was fully aware now, fully feeling the quaking of the airplane. But it is ruthless. It went on to haul my heart down towards my stomach and send it into a pounding frenzy. It pushed my vision off a cliff, and I could see naught but black. It was like the moment a loose picture frame slips and slides down a wall; everything moved, and for a split second came a thought that the descent would never end. But it ended.

Thank goodness and bless the pilots.

You may shrug ‘the fall’ off as ‘mere flight turbulence’, but to me, ‘the fall’ is an unrivaled nemesis.

However, ‘the fall’ was probably an insignificant existence to someone within that fall. Someone who was a silent, brave child, and who was immune to it.

There was a child who was young and free, and loved adventure whenever and wherever. Adventure camp had high ropes, and the high ropes they would conquer. When they were reaching the end, they knew they would make it. No breeze wasn’t going to push them off their feet. Their hands held firm. The next rope was in just right in front of them. But as they lifted one foot from one plank to the next, the other slipped and off the high ropes course they went, downwards through the air, simply falling. Their life was only in the hands of a safety harness which they didn’t seem to care about, yet the child just swayed and gazed apathetically towards the brilliant sun, which was half eclipsed by the oscillating plank they had lost their footing on, and beamed.

This someone knows no fear. This someone is hardly a reflection of myself. This someone is difficult to find. But I found them.

Maybe I’ll be them one day.

[Music (Lyrics, ToB)] ベルベットのテーマ Velvet’s Theme

(テイルズオブベルセリアの音楽「ベルベットのテーマ」のリズムに合わせた、私が勝手に作った歌詞です。)

“理”を踏み 感情のままに
わからないけど 今のあなたがいいよ
≪憎悪(けが)≫れたっていい 意味なくたっていい
世界とだって戦ってもいいよ
だから 絶望しないでよ 僕のために
あなたのいない世界なんて…絶対に…

“あの時”を奪われたこと
選ばれないことが悔しい!!
≪弟、姉、義兄(みんな)≫が大好きだったから
みんなのためにも生きてあげる

心が何度も砕けても
「理想世界」なんてどうでもいい
この醜い世界を生きた証の復讐をやりとげる

緋の夜に背中を押され
≪兄と師と同僚と仇(なごり)≫を片付けにゆくよ
他人(ひと)の命令だからじゃなくて
私達(とり)は≪生きてい(とび)≫たいから≪生きていく(そらをとぶ)≫

消したくても消えない愛憎(ほのお)で
世界を混乱に包む
ようやくあなたの気持ちが
わかったから自分らしく生きるわ


(Lyrics that I wrote for the OST “Velvet’s Theme” from the game Tales of Berseria. I made the Japanese lyrics fit the rhythm of the OST, but I’m too lazy to make the English lyrics fit too so here’s just a translation. PS: For those who played the Japanese version, you should know why the lyrics are as they are, if you followed the story. For those who didn’t, go learn Japanese and play it! PPS: <Only the words in the (parentheses are sung)>.)

(Oh and potential spoiler warnings since the English version is not yet out as of writing this.)

Trampling all over “reason”, simply following your emotions
I don’t understand you, but I like the you now
I don’t care if you are <an essence of hate (corrupted)>, I don’t care if there’s no meaning
I don’t even care if I have to fight against the world
That’s why, do not despair, for my sake
A world without you… I would definitely…

That “that time” was stolen from me
And that I wasn’t the one chosen is so heartbreaking!!
Because I loved <my little brother, my older sister, my older brother (everyone)>
I will live on for their sakes too

No matter how many times my heart is crushed
I don’t care about an “ideal world”
I will avenge the proof that they lived in this ugly world

Being pushed forward by our comrades on this Scarlet Night
We shall settle <my brother’s, my master’s, my colleagues’, my nemesis’ (all of our)> unresolved memories
It’s not because of <other people’s (someone’s)> orders
That <we live on (birds fly to the sky)> but because <we (they)> want to <live (fly)>

With the <love and hatred (flames)> that cannot be extinguished even if I wanted them to be
I will engulf this world in chaos
I finally understand your feelings
That’s why I’ll live the way I am

[Music (Lyrics, ToB)] 郷愁誘う村アバル The village that invites nostalgia, Abal

(テイルズオブベルセリアの、郷愁誘う村アバルで流れる街音楽のリズムに合わせた、私が勝手に作った歌詞です。)

おはよう もう起きなよ
ねえ 薬を飲まなきゃダメだよ ねえ
ああそうですか 飲まないなら大好きなキッシュを作らないよお~
早く食べて 本を読もう 村(そと)に出てみんなと遊ぼう
見慣れた隣人の笑顔 かわいいが臆病なワンコ
昨日のように 今日も暮れ去り 明日は「緋の夜」だという… それでも
あたしはいつも側にいるから
怖がらずに寝なさいね…


(Lyrics that I wrote for the OST “The village that invites nostalgia, Abal” from the game Tales of Berseria. I made the Japanese lyrics fit the rhythm of the OST, but I’m too lazy to make the English lyrics fit too so here’s just a translation. PS: .)

(Oh and potential spoiler warnings since the English version is not yet out as of writing this.)

Good morning, wake up already

You have to take your medicine

Oh, it’s that how it is? Since you won’t take your medicine, I won’t cook your favourite quiche~

Eat it quickly, then we’ll read a book, and then we’ll go and play with everyone

The smiles of our familiar neighbours, the cute but cowardly dogs

Just like yesterday, today comes to an end and leaves, and tomorrow is said to be the “Scarlet Night”… nevertheless

I will always be by your side

So don’t be afraid and go to sleep…